The Empire star, 50, made the jarring announcement of Peace of Mind with Taraji on her Facebook Watch show.
‘I couldn’t get out of bed for a few days, and I didn’t care; that’s not me,’ Washington, D.C. stated the native. ‘Then I began to have feelings of doing it:’ Right now, I will go in there and just finish it all.’
The Hidden Figures actress said that, among the thoughts of self-harm, she found herself ‘withdrawing’ from her network of friends and loved ones.
‘I was not responding, people were calling me; I just didn’t care,’ she said. Finally, I’m talking to one of my girlfriends, because I knew I was brave enough to say, “I have to say it.” I was like, “I don’t want them to be obsessed with me, you know, or think they’re going to come and wait for me, you know, to think I’m nuts.
The star of What Men Want said ‘one day[she] just blurted it out to [her] girlfriend,’ and expressed relief instantly after coming out with the tough admission.
‘I just blurted it out one day to my girlfriend,’ she said. ” I thought about killing myself last night. Oh my god, I feel so much better. “You know, I dreamed committing suicidelast night. Oh my Goodness, I’m doing a lot better. Right now, I’m not going to do that.
With her co-host Tracie Jade and psychologist Dr. LaShonda Green, the Fascinating Case of Benjamin Button star explained her line of thought in the segment in detail.
‘For me, I’m not an expert, so I felt like it would become a scheme if I didn’t mention it,’ said the Oscar-nominated star. ‘And what frightened me, is that two nights in a row I did it. And the feelings began to come. I began to think about how.
‘It was like, at first, I didn’t want to be here. And then I began to think about going and getting the guns. And that is why, the next morning, when I woke up, I blurted it out. Because I felt like it was going to take over me after a while and it was going to become a scheme, because my brain is too powerful.’
It has really been a dramatic year for the actor, who turned 50 in September and in October suspended her engagement to her fiancé Kelvin Hayden.
She told Entertainment Tonight last month that she was doing “much better” as the year progressed.
‘I saw myself falling, so I was like,’ You know what I’m not trying to do is let 50 happen to me, I’m going to get emotional control of this and not be like, you’re getting tired, nobody cares, you don’t work,” she said. ‘Well, duh, there’s nobody working, it’s COVID. So I could see it coming.’